Happy 4th of July!!!!

July 2, 2009

It has been a long time since I have blogged - just doesn't seem like I am any good at this - reading back it seems all I do is complain!
Anyhoo, things are going well these days. We have been to court a couple of times to make our presence known to the guy who killed Mark! We have spent time talking to the Prosecutor, Victims Advocate, and MADD. According to the Prosecutor, this guy could get 10 years in jail for Manslaughter, DUI, and driving with a suspended license. We know that won't bring Mark back but it will give us some satisfaction!
My hubby is doing better - he feels well these days. He won't talk about the cancer at all but its his choice and I won't force him.
On a really good note, I purchased Chantix to quit smoking - I have smoked for 43 years (minus the few times I have quit) but this time I really feel ready and I have talked to others who used Chantix and it worked!
I hope everyone has a great (and safe) Holiday Weekend! Happy 4th of July!

Blogging

I had thought when I started this blog that it would be a good thing for me so I could get though the death of my Mom. Since then I had to deal with my husband getting Cancer last November then having him tell me he would not do Chemo. Then in March my husband's son Mark was killed in a car accident. It seems life just won't get better......Mark's death may not have been an accident (he wasn't driving).....my husband has been so obsessed with finding out what has happened that he really isn't taking care of himself. He had a colonoscopy a few weeks ago and the results came in and again its cancer......

I am feeling so darn useless and I feel so tired. I just don't know how much more I can take. For the past week I have had headaches all the time and I just feel like crap. I know I can't do anything about what is going on but I am pretending to be strong and I just don't know how long I can hold it together.......I just want life to be normal!

Monday, March 2nd

Its snowing out like crazy - could have a foot of snow by the time its over! I WANT SPRING!!!!

Ok, I have a request (I know nobody looks at my blog but just in case)!!

My Dad has had both legs amputated. The first leg was done about 15 yrs ago and the other about 4 yrs ago. The first leg was amputated just below the knee but over the yrs had to be amputated to just below the hip. The other one is amputated below the knee. He has arterial scrolis (sp). Anyhow, the first amputated leg has always caused him to have phantom pain but over the yrs it has gotten so bad - this weekend he started with the pain on Friday and as of Sunday night he still had it so bad! He takes pain pills but they do nothing for the pain!

I have been doing research for ways to help phantom pain but because "they" don't know much there isn't much out there. I read about Mirror therapy (the person looks in a mirror and sees their leg which causes the pain to go away)....my Dad who is 78 yrs old would not try that - he would say its stupid.

I am asking if anyone has any knowledge on phantom pain to please, please, please let me know....I need to find a way to help him before he over doses on the pain pills.....ex: I called him for over an hr yesterday and his phone was busy - I finally called his neighbor and asked her to go over and check on him (I live in Ct - he in FL)....he called me and he sounded like he was super drunk (it is the pain pills) so I know he took more than he should. He had knocked the phone off the hook.

Thanks for listening!

Lynn

One Year Anniversary

Today is one year since my Mother (and best friend) passed away. It still seems like yesterday to me and the loss is so unbearable. I miss Mom so much and my heart is broken. Mom's death changed me so much - I just haven't been the same since. I don't know if a depression can last a year but things that used to matter to me no longer do.

I will never understand why it happened - it shouldn't have happened. Mom was getting better but once all those nasty infections took root she just didn't have the strength to fight it....I still blame the Rehab and I always will but from what I have read over the past year it is so common for folks to get MRSA and C-Diff at hospitals and Rehabs because some Dr's and nurses and Aides do not take the measures they need to take, like washing their hands. What a crazy world we live in that we accept this as a normal part of life.

Okay, enough of my rambling - I just want to say I love you Mom forever and ever!